GET
A GRIP

So feign a better life
Like nothing’s wrong 
And know it’s in your head
That the ghosts of something good
They linger on 
To haunt the living dead

My god, I’ve changed
I’m losing myself to thinking this way
Get a grip, kid
C’mon


BIKES

I’m never gonna see this place again
With these colonial red houses in my eyes
The catacombs we roamed to kill the day
While mom tried hard to feel alive

The lower-middle class, it finds a way
And so we packed the car with all that couldn’t stay
To circumnavigate the lower-48
But none of it was ours to take, you know

It’s the way I make myself miserable
Over and over

I’m never gonna see his face again
The crooked bottle rocket scar from that July
We set fireworks at John Birch billboards
Outside county lines…
I’m not fine

My god, I’ve changed
I’m losing myself to thinking this way
Get a grip, kid
C’mon

When you left through the window 
To get to my house
Slipped on the rooftop
The fall knocked you out
Staying up late, you’re a thorn in my side
I couldn’t help but thinking, I’d sworn you had died
Youth’s indiscretions of time spent alone
It’s all we had but our skin and our bones
Look at the frame, and how I’m getting old
And it’s gone
I know that it’s…


I’VE
GOT IT

We can go home, if you want to
I’m among friends when we’re on our own
I don’t know about you
I’m a little fucked up to be here alone

I’m aware I’ve got it wrong to psychoanalyze at all
While they drown in id and alcohol
I hold my breath and stay awake too long

This could be
All that we’ll ever have
So bad at making friends
But much worse at keeping them

For all I don’t say just so I can’t take it back
Always seem to lead with an unconscionable thing like that
Those who don’t stay, you know we don’t miss ‘em yet
Waxing misanthropic, but I think we’re better off in it

I’m aware I’ve got it wrong to psychoanalyze at all
While they drown the id in alcohol
I hold my breath and stay awake too long

And all at once I think I’ve got it
All at once I think I don’t
So I end up back where I started
I know why we feel alone


HERE’S
ONE FOR THE KID IN THE BACK

Light up, take deep breaths 
You know the smoke, it goes to my head
I’m so uncool like that
Of course I am
Hannah, you’re a mess
Indian summers come to an end
So get your shit straight, kid
Get on with it

And maybe it’s not right
But it happens all the time
Our skin begins to line
And our sanity unwinds
Oh my, did we grow up too fast, or not at all?

Jesse’s been drinking
You can’t believe a thing he says
He’s always cool like that
Of course he is
What the fuck are we doing?
Just how long can we live like this?
And I should act my age, get on with it…


I DON’T FEEL REAL

Tell the kids I’m ok
I’m thinking way too hard about you, you know
I keep count of the ways that I could end my life without this
I’ve tried, but I can’t
Do the things you do
Say what I mean to
Tell me it’s ok
Sorry it falls on you
Now that you have gone
I’ll kick the demerol 
‘Cause me and myself
We don’t get along

Call it what it is, call it what it is
‘Cause I don’t feel real now
So tell my why it is, tell me why it is
That I don’t feel real now

I am making friends from this hospital bed
So look, I’ll be fine
You know John in ’08?
He just got out today
So look up, I’ll try
So you go
Do the things you do
Say what you mean to
Swear that it’s ok
Sorry it falls on you
Now that you have gone
Cigarettes and demerol
Cause me and myself we don’t get along

Static goes through my brain
I’m thinking way too hard about this
Aren't I?


KEEP YOUR LOVE

Street lights driving home
In the morning fade away
I think I may now
It’s all in my head
Thinking this could ever change
Say it again, oh no

‘Cause anyone could steal away your heart
When you don’t belong to me
It’s over and gone
I have seen so many fall apart
Tell me it won’t

Oh, what does it take to keep your love?
‘Cause I can’t take this…

Can’t stand that it’s
Such a bitter taste
Knowing time can take away
Nowhere to run now
It’s all in my head
Thinking this can ever stay
I won’t say it out loud, no

‘Cause we’re still chasing every street light
Oh, you’ve got me now


You don’t have to ask me what’s on my mind
‘Cause I am not feeling sad all the time now
I can show you how I pick me up off the ground
‘Cause gone are the days I can’t kick it off right
And I’m thinking clearly for once in my life now
I can show you how I pick me up off the ground

I’ve got this blank box to pass the time
Hours at scattered lines
I can make out like I belong
Worst case I stay in bed too long
Who cares if I never leave this house
It’s not like I don’t get out
I find my kind late in the day
Feels more alive here anyway

HOW AM
I NOT MYSELF


FEATURE’S DEAD, ANGELA

“You live so in your head,” she says
“And you never come out.”
What a sign of the times
“And when you say it’s enough you, like,
Debate the merits of Marx again.”
A dialectal war for the modern kind
‘Cause when I say it’s enough, it’s never enough
To get my head right

I know you’re tired
But I don’t think that I am doing well right now
I’m losing my mind and can’t get it back somehow

I’m not better than this you know
Take the polemical edge, cut away my throat
And when I said it’s enough
Oh what is enough?
Do you think I won’t figure it out
Because I’m digging my heels a little deeper now?
There’s no sense in calming me down
‘Cause when it’s enough, it’s never enough
To get my head right

And if we don’t have to
Be honest with the things we say
Demarcate expression
Like it will be ok


SUMMER READING LIST

I prefer my time spent in my head
Summer Reading List in my bed
So how did I end up back here instead?
Hiding where it’s hard to find a friend
This kid I barely knew got drunk last night
Drove his car off interstate lines
Vigil at the school by candlelight
I thought I could duck out without a sight

And is it my fault I can’t relate
To anyone in this town
And I’m such a prick to all my friends
That they never stick around?

I don’t know what I’m doing here

Everybody leaves to get fucked up
Thinking I could use the same
We caravan to Michael’s parents’ place
It’s starting to feel like a bad cliché
“Bring your little brother!”
Someone says
I think he’s gonna kill my vibe
And now I listen while he makes new friends
And I’m on the outside

But it’s all my fault I feel alone
As I wander in and out
Of discussions with people I don’t mind
But couldn’t care less about

I don’t know what I’m doing here

I prefer my time spent in my head
Summer Reading List in my bed


NO ONE WAITS
FOR YOU

There’s nothing I can do 
To keep from wasting all this life
It’s still counting down
And Vonnegut did not convince me 
I can circle back around in space and time
And I’m freaking out

Haven’t slept a wink, I think I won’t wake up alive
Can you talk me down?
‘Cause when you say you’re not afraid to die
Can never bring myself to ask you why
I keep thinking how

Nothing waits for you on the other side
No one waits for you

And again, I think I’m headed for a breakdown
This is my new routine I lead anyhow
And I know I told you I could get better now
This is my new routine I lead anyhow

I could read the pages of a hotel Gideon
It won’t help me out
It’s documented in the history
The countless reasons that I can’t believe
We can talk about

Haven't slept a wink, I think I won’t wake up this time
It just brings me down
And I am holding on to anything
The epistemic things that I believe
We can work around

No one waits for you…